Self esteem is not high or low. It is stable or unstable. If you go from feeling great about yourself to drowning under a long inner monologue about all you did wrong and all the ways you are “bad” at the slightest criticism or failure: You have low self esteem.

A healthy self esteem is an intrinsic sense that you are worthy simply because you are, regardless of external approvals or success.

Most people exist in the middle.

We all desire social approval and external validation. However, if our sense of self is generally healthy we can withstand the lows of life or the disapproval of others and remain a whole human being. We can stick to our beliefs, preferences and values regardless of external factors.

A healthy self esteem allows us to be resilient but also honest and interesting as individuals. We can follow our passions and form real intimate relationships where our true self is touching and being touched by another different person who is allowed to thrive just as much as we do.

Aside from the deep pain of obsessive inner criticism and negative thoughts that go with unstable self esteem we also have the tragic side effect of not forming honest and deep relationships.

Our relationships may appear intimate and deep because of the night level of emotional involvement and pain that they carry. However, the pain is not love just a way for us to gain approvals and feel “high” again. We want to feel worthy and loved and we desire the moments in which we can experience that peaceful way of being. But it never lasts.

An external person or event cannot give it to us long term. We must change our way of thinking and being in the world.

That is extremely difficult to do and many people choose other coping mechanisms:

Working hard to achieve success.

Trying to be as pleasant and attractive to others or our partner.

Avoiding relationships.

Avoiding reality altogether or victim mentality.

I won’t say anything original when I point out these patterns all stem from our childhood. As an astrologer I always can see in a natal chart when there is stable or unstable self esteem. The reasons are always different but the problems tend to be universal: Depression, addiction, lack of direction, procrastination, failing relationships…

In the battle chart we can have something like a weak Sun (a common indicator of problems around the Self) but a strong balance Moon that would balance this issue. Human beings are complex and there is no one indicating aspects. That said here are some general indicators of low self esteem in the natal chart:

Sun with no major aspects, especially in Libra or Aquarius.

Sun square or apposing Saturn.

Sun conjunct Neptune.

A stellium in the first house square a higher planet.

Venus square Saturn or Chiron.

Chiron in the first house.

A wounded Moon or fourth house ruler.

Mercury square Pluto or opposite Moon.

***

Astrologically, you want to first face the patterns of thinking that are negative and weakening and next to change your actions and patterns of behavior.

At the same time you want to find what part of the chart is strong and stable and focus on that.

The first step is admitting to yourself how you feel about YOU and what types of thoughts and actions you adopted over a lifetime to deal with it.

Often, you may be surprised about what you discover if you are brave enough to face it.

First step to change is the courage to see your wound and the strategies you adopted to mask it.